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I did an inventory yesterday. I do this kind of thing on a fairly regular basis. Sort of keep my side of the street clean, so to speak. Clean house. You get the picture.
This one was the kind of spiritual undertaking where one sits down and writes a list of resentments, finds how it has affected them, looks at their part in it, and thinks about what their benefit was in having the resentment in the first place. Or in other words, what are they getting out of it. Then one sits with a mentor and reads it to them.
It was hard. My mentor is really REALLY thorough. She kept stopping me and making me go back and explain. At first I was really building a whole new resentment because MY plan was to be in and out of there and get on with my day. It quickly became apparent that this would be at least a two-hour endeavor.
Sigh. Thankfully, I somehow found the serenity to lean into it rather than fight it.
Lean into the struggle. Yep.
And so we began. One by one I listed ways I felt wronged (ok some really were wrong) and one by one I looked at how I contributed to that dynamic by something I did or did not do. Sometimes there was nothing. But often I came up with some sideways benefit or action on my part.
These are the things under my control, my part. These are the things I can change, I can do differently. Expecting the world to change to accommodate me will not return a different result.
My mentor said, Resentment is like a poison we take, expecting someone else to die.
Yesterday I spent two hours with her. She gave that to me, this incredible service of her time and attention and her love. Thank you S.
I left her house and walked through the park letting this gift wash over me.
I will give it back to my mentee when her time comes. I cant wait.
To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog violet915], from anywhere else use http://personals.techtv.com/blog/violet915,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
